We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Thailand and the Sukhothai Historical Park...

When Fa (as well as Beckie and Mali) drove away after dropping me off in Sukhothai I went to my room and wept. I’m not ashamed to say it. I wanted to go home – meaning back to BLES. I was so unhappy.

One of the challenges of travelling alone is having to deal with loneliness and so called negative emotions. I realized I had to do something to improve my mood – so I went to bed for a sleep and then had a shower. I felt much better and began to look forward to the bike tour the next day.

The view from the restaurant...
This ability to deal with my attitude and emotions may not be a big deal for a lot of people, but for me it is a sign that I have changed a great deal. When we first realized we were not going to be having children I spent many days unable to deal with sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and in some ways I dwelt in and enabled those emotions. Being able to manage my feelings and attitudes in a foreign country and without relying on family and friends showed me how much stronger I have become. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever feel sad or angry, but these emotions don’t control me.

I love this flower...

The hotel I stayed at, The LegendhaSukhothai Resort, was nice. It was comfortable, clean, and had a great pool. The restaurant overlooked a beautiful lake with fountains in it, and there were little details everywhere such as water features and flowers.

Me, Jib, and Simone
- I'm the only one with muddy pants!
When I booked the hotel in June 2013 I had every intention of just riding around the Sukhothai Historical Park by myself, but I decided it would be worth doing a bike tour with a guide who could tell me what the ruins were all about. 

I found Jib who runs Sukhothai Bicycle Tour with his wife Miaow and I am so glad I did. Jib took me and another tourist, Simone, on a fantastic trip round the park. I learnt so much about the history of the park, the ruins, the way some of them were being renovated, and he took us to places that I wouldn’t have even known about.

The ruins included a palace, places where the king would go to meet his subjects, buildings where only the princesses were allowed in so that they could get ready for fertility ceremonies, and much, much more.

This Buddha was once covered in gold leaf...
One thing I did learn on the tour is that rather than watching a motorcyclist coming down the road toward me so that I can move if necessary, it is better to watch where I am cycling. I gave Jib and Simone quite the fright when I put the front wheel of the bike I was riding into a ditch and ended up off the bike and in the dirt. Jib and Simone were very concerned until they realized I was laughing. My main concern was whether I had damaged the bike!

Wat Chang Lom
The tour took the entire day and covered around 45 kilometers. When I got back to the hotel I decided to have a rest and then have dinner. I went to bed and woke up at 11pm…and then I fell asleep again straight away. I had no interest in dinner – I just wanted to sleep! I was so tired!

I spent the next day relaxing by the pool and meeting some of the other guests, including a couple who were travelling up to Chiang Mai the next day which was the same as what I was doing. We ended up travelling together, which was really nice.

I guess that is about it for Sukhothai. It is a pretty amazing place, and well worth a visit. We don’t have any buildings older than 225 years in Australia and so ruins as old as those in the Sukhothai Historical Park leave me absolutely awestruck.


Mali said...

I've never actually been to Sukhothai, despite two periods of living in Thailand over a total of four years. I have travelled a lot on my own though, and I can relate to the way emotions could easily overcome when travelling alone. So brava on being able to cope with emotions and look forward to the next day.

Kate Bettison said...

Thanks Mali - it is quite incredible. The ruins are very impressive, but I'm glad that I got a guide so that I could understand them rather than just look at them. And the emotions aspect is something I kind of expected, but didn't think my emotions would be as strong as they were! I miss BLES and all the people and animals still...