The older I get the more I
realise that childhood is very, very short. In the last month the daughter of
one of my friends turned eight, the daughter of another friend turned ten, and
my niece will turn twelve at the end of the year. Even our little nephew will
be three two days’ time.
As the children in our lives grow
up I often think about the things I wanted to share with our children – the things
I wanted to show them. I wanted to go to the zoo with them, to go to concerts
and the theatre, and I wanted to share with them my love of old movies –
particularly “Singing in the Rain”.
On the weekend I got to see what
sharing special things with our own children might have been like. I remember
the first time I saw Amelia. She was only a few days old and I fell in love.
Already it was easy to see that her hair would be auburn. She had lovely chubby
cheeks that I just wanted to cover with smooches.
Over the past ten years I have
watched her grow from a baby, to a toddler, to a young child, and now to the
beginnings of a young lady. She is intelligent, funny, kind, and I adore her. I
don’t want it to go too fast, but I am going to love watching her grow into a
woman and become the amazing adult I know she will be.
For her tenth birthday I decided
to throw her a high tea – just for her Mum, Amelia and me. We had a little cupcakes
and cucumber and cheese sandwiches. And, I put on the DVD of “Singing in the
Rain”. It was so lovely. Amelia loved the dancing and singing.
Just before Amelia and her Mum
were going to go home I gave Amelia her present, which was a copy of the DVD.
Her face lit up and her first question was “How did you do that?” I told her
that I had a copy of the movie and I wanted her to have one too.
This was a very special day. I
got to share something I loved with one of the beautiful children in my life –
something I had hoped to share with our children. No – it’s not the same as if
we had our own, but it’s pretty awesome nonetheless. I love the children in our
lives and I hope they always know how special they are to me.
2 comments:
I am glad to have found your blog and am comforted by your journey and the love you are sharing with the children in your life. My husband and I just found out my FSH is high and we won't be progressing to IVF unless it is with a donor egg. I am devastated even though a part of me knew this was a possibility. I've been reading other women's stories and all the essays and blogs out there are from women at the end of the fertility journey but they all have children. While we process what to do next I wanted an example of someone living their life fully who came to the end of their journey without their hoped for pot of gold.
Thank you for sharing your pain, your joy, and the full life you are living. Thank you.
Hi BH - I'm so sorry I haven't responded to your comment before now. Blogger have made some changes and some of my settings went a bit strange, including comment notifications!
I am so touched to read your comments - it means the world to me to know that what I write matters to you. When we first began to realise that we might not be having children I wanted to read something from women or couples who were in, or had been in, the same situation - who had found a way to live a fulfilling life despite their loss. I couldn't find anything, and so I started this blog about a year later.
Your beautiful words make me know that my blog is doing what I hoped it would - letting people know they are not alone and that life can be wonderful, even if not in the way we thought it would be.
Thank you BH - your words are precious.
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