We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Cars and corrections...

Hugo and Felix our cat - who also adores Hugo!
Last week I got "corrected"
by my nephew, Hugo, and I had to share this with you.

Regular readers of my blog will know that he is only just three years old, but he is so bright and so very comical.

I had picked Hugo up from child care and brought him back to our place for the evening. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said “Watch “Cars” and play cars.” Cars are pretty much the most awesome thing in Hugo’s world and I think we’ve watched the movie “Cars” together at least 345,212 times (okay – that’s an exaggeration). He’d had a big day at child care so we put on the movie and relaxed together until Kirby came home and we could have dinner.

There is a scene in the “Cars” movie which is very funny – actually there are many scenes that are funny – but this is one I particularly like. There is a scene where two of the characters (animated cars Mater and Lightening McQueen) are tractor tipping in a field (the equivalent of cow tipping!). Mater had warned McQueen to beware of Frank. McQueen had no idea who or what Frank was, until a roar and big beams of light came from behind a hill. Frank is a thresher who looks after the tractors and he was none too happy at Mater and McQueen tipping them over.

McQueen and Mater took off through the field to get to the fence before Frank could catch them.
All enthused, I yelled “Run, Lightening, run!”

Hugo threw me a look of surprise. Then he said “Aunty Kate, McQueen is a car – he has wheels, he can’t run, he has to drive really fast.”

I was definitely corrected! But, the way Hugo said it was more of the tone that he wanted me to understand, and not that he thought I was silly. Although I admit I felt a bit silly!

I love that kid so much. He is kind, intelligent, and basically a good soul. I will always love him no matter what, but he is one of those children that I know I will like when he is an adult regardless of whether he was related to me or not.

When I look at Hugo, I wonder what our children would have been like and what they would have been interested in. I’m sure cars would have been high on their list if they were anything like their Dad, and they would have loved animals and nature if they were anything like me. I wish we could have given Hugo cousins here in Australia – he does have cousins, but they live in another country.

When I see Hugo I could be sad at the reminder that Kirby and I have no children – but I don’t. I just see a little boy who I adore, and I couldn’t imagine life without him.

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