We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Daily Mail Online...

Well – I’ve been a bit naughty leaving it for a month to write a new entry…can I blame the holiday season? I think so!

To make up for it – I’m doing two blog entries today…

The first…I am very excited to say that an extract from my book “When You Can’t Have Kids” has been published in the Mail Online. Along with lots and lots of photos of us, and our family, and our dogs (Ari and Odi are now selling autographed copies of their photos at $5 a pop as they believe they are famous now…I’m kidding of course!)

Ari and Odi

My own reactions, apart from being thrilled, have surprised me. Reading the extract, after not having read my book for some time, has brought about some of that old sorrow I used to regularly feel.

It’s not overwhelming, but there is a definite wistfulness and wondering why not us. I’ve also been sincerely moved, almost to tears, by the comments of support that I have received from friends, family, and from complete strangers. The book is doing exactly what I wanted it to do – to let people who can’t or are struggling to have children know that they are not alone, and to give people in the wider community some understanding about what it’s like to not be able to have children.

I’ve also read some negative comments about the extract – and these have impacted on me as well. I’ve felt a bit hurt by some of them, but at the same time I know that there is more support than not and that the comments that are negative are generally due to a lack of understanding or to a personal view. However, I also respect these people for making their comments and will always defend their right to make them.

You know – even if I never sell another copy of the book (although I hope I do!) I would still be delighted with how it has turned out. A cathartic process for me in writing it, support for those in similar situations to Kirby and me, and helping people to understand more about infertility.

It’s all I hoped to achieve.


BentNotBroken said...

So cool! I actually read the article earlier today(I have google alerts set up for new articles about infertility). I was so excited to see one of "my people" in the news advocating for us! Try not to let the negative comments get to you too much! Comments sections really show off the cesspool that society is, which is really unfortunate.

Mali said...

Wow. Congratulations! The article is great. Good for you!

The comments - well, people choose to be ignorant, or they see something and feel defensive about it, rather than trying to understand what you're actually saying. I always think that comments say more about the person leaving them, and their underlying baggage, than they do about the article or the author or even the issue itself.

I've shared it on Fb, commenting simply that my friend had had her article published, and that the title of the article only tells half your (and our) story. That's quite bold for me!

Kate Bettison said...

Thanks BentnotBroken - I like being one of your people!! Mali - that is bold for anyone! Well done! Some of the comments were quite interesting - I liked the one about Mrs B coming to her senses - it took me a while to work out who Mrs B was as I didn't automatically realise it was me!!!

loribeth said...

Congratulations on the article! & thanks for enlightening the masses about us (or at least TRYING to, lol). Don't let the naysayers get you down!

The Purple Guru said...

Hi Kate, I stumbled across your article today and absolutely loved it! So well written, thank you. And yes, you are right in that you book has definitely filled a (gaping) hole in the market. I've just ordered a copy and very much look forward to reading it when it arrives. It's so good to know that those of us in this battle are not alone and nor are we going mad with some of the feelings that we have. There will always be those that don't understand and those that post negative comments, but I also believe that those people will always be in the minority. I too am tempted to put it on my FB page with a comment about it just being an interesting article but my FB page is deactivated at the moment (long story), I do however hope I will have the courage to do so when I go back to FB. Thanks again so much for writing and continuing to do so (I've also found your blog!), it's been such a lovely lovely start to my day :)

Kate Bettison said...

I agree Loribeth - the nay sayers can just nay say away! :-)

Hey Purple Guru - I'm so glad you enjoyed the article and thank you for ordering a copy of the book. And welcome to When You Can't Have Kids! xx

AppleTi said...

Hi, I found your article while looking for some information to support a friend. Thank you for writing it. It has helped me to better understand what she is facing.

While I have not personally faced infertility, I thought the following resonated with my own life and what I think has contributed to some of my own disappointments:
"There is a myth about growing up that begins with the very first Cinderella or Snow White tale that we hear as children. These stories tell us that when we grow up we will reach a point from which we will live happily ever after."

I wish you a fulfilling life!

Kate Bettison said...

Hi AppleTi - I'm so glad that my article assisted in you understanding what your friend is facing. It is a tough journey, but having friends like you will help her a great deal.

And - yes - the myth thing is an interesting one! Life cannot ever be happily ever after for anyone - and I really believe it is the journey that counts anyway.

Kate xx