We’re moving house soon. Probably within the next two to three months. Sometimes I feel sad about it; even though I know that it will be a positive step for us.
The house we live in now was the house we planned to bring our babies home to. The front room decked out in blues and greens for them (because we wouldn’t have wanted to know what gender they were going to be before they were born). I can even picture what the room would have been like – what kind of cot we would have, what kind of frieze around the walls, what kind of light fitting. It was all sorted.
We just never counted on our babies not turning up.
So, we have decided that we will move to a new home – it will be a psychological shift for us in moving from a home we would have had children in to a home that will be ours as a couple.
In moving house, we will be making a new start. A fresh start. And sometimes that’s hard to acknowledge. Despite us being relatively okay with the fact that we won’t be having children, the pain of it never really completely goes away, and even after we move I don’t think it will disappear entirely. It’s like there is a hole in my heart that will never fully heal.
Moving to a new home will help – I won’t imagine every time I walk down the hallway of how I thought our babies would learn to walk up and down it. I won’t picture the cubby house we had planned to build in the back yard. I won’t walk into ‘their’ room and feel that emptiness.
Goodness! I’m starting to get teary!
