We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

The fog...

I’ve been in a bit of a grey place lately.

Things are getting better and there have been some adventures (such as a trip to Thailand) recently, but I still find that the grey is around me.

I think all of us go through this from time to time.

I’ve written the following poem as a way to understand where I am at the moment.

Something is amiss
My world is dimming
For fog has appeared again
Slinking into existence
And wrapping up my spirit
In cold bondage

So, what?

What can I do?

How can I grovel my way clear
When I do not know
Where the fog ends and I begin?
When I do not know
Where clarity lives?

Perhaps that is the point of it
I am not meant to know these things

Instead I must simply give in to it
Let the fog sort me out
With its wisps and subtle movements
With its greyness and its sighs

No need to struggle

Gently soothe the screams in my heart
And distil the cries perched on my lips

Calmly sit within the fog a while
Wait to see what it is
That the fog is gifting me

And see what it is that is left

When the fog has gone again