We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


In 2003, about a year before I met Kirby, I had a very special dream about my Grandma – my Dad’s Mum. I dreamt I was in a long hallway and she was standing at one end and me at the other. Between us was a little girl who looked about two years old, who was toddling towards me. Grandma looked at me and said “This is Ruby – you will look after her now.”

My Grandma had died on Boxing Day 1999.

I met Kirby in October 2004, and not long after we met I told him about the dream. We had already talked about having children, and he thought that Ruby would be the perfect name for a daughter if we had one. Kirby even bought me a necklace with a ruby stone for our first Christmas together.

Not long into our relationship I found out that Kirby’s Grandma, his Mum’s Mum, was called Grace. It was just right for the second name for our Ruby. Ruby Grace – it sounded beautiful.

We never had our Ruby Grace, or our Jacob Arthur either (Arthur after my Dad).

I have eleven cousins, and one of them is Joshua. It often seems strange to me that he is a well and truly grown up man now – I used to change his nappy and bath him when he was a little baby! Although I suppose I was only ten when he was born. I haven’t seen Josh for quite a few years.

A few days ago Josh and his partner, Dale, had their first child. They had a little girl, and they called her Ruby Grace. Out of the millions of names they could have chosen, they chose the exact name that we were going to call our daughter if she had turned up. Joshua and I have never spoken about names, and he had no idea about our intentions.

I have seen a photo of Ruby Grace and will be going down to visit Josh, Dale and Ruby in the next few weeks. She is beautiful – as you can see from the photo below.

Little Ruby has already made a wonderful difference in my life, as she will be the reason that I will see Josh again – I have missed him and can’t wait to see him because of who he is, as well as for his daughter and Dale of course.

I’ll admit that when I found out Josh and Dale had called their daughter Ruby Grace a part of my heart hurt a bit. It didn’t last long and now you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if you tried!

It would have been wonderful if there were two Ruby Graces in our family – I’m sure our Ruby would have led baby Ruby astray…but, having Josh and Dale’s Ruby Grace arrive this week is incredible and she has made the world a more beautiful place.

I’ll definitely do a blog entry after I meet her for the first time.

Ruby Grace – how awesome is that?

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Great story for Ruby Grace to reflect on in the future Kate. Love Malcolm