I met Ruby Grace (my
second-cousin) last Friday, and I am completely in love.
She is a sweet little girl – so
tiny and snuggly. Dale handed her to me as soon as I got there and I got to
hold her for quite a while. It was wonderful. She started to fuss a little when
she was getting tired and didn’t want to go to sleep. It was lovely to be able
to settle her by moving her dummy slightly from side to side and gently patting
her. Her eyes flickered while she slept and I wondered what she might be
dreaming of.
Dale commented that I knew about
babies and I said that I had had a lot of practice over the years – including with
her fiancé, Josh! I was ten when he was born and I remember changing his
nappies! Below is a photo of Josh and me when Josh was checking to see if my
Cabbage Patch doll, Cleo, was really asleep – I have already told him that if
Ruby is asleep he’d best not check by poking at her eyes.
It was the first time I met Josh’s
fiancé, Dale, as well. We hit it off instantly – big hugs as soon as I walked
in the door. We even share the habit of accidently putting on odd socks on a
regular occasion! Dale and Josh are besotted by Ruby (understandably), but are
so relaxed with her as well. That little girl has been born to two wonderful
people.
I gave Ruby a gorgeous little
romper suit from Eternal Creation, but it will be a while before I get to see
her in it as it is size three to six months – but I reckon with her light
auburn hair she will look so gorgeous in it! Check out Eternal Creation if you
haven’t already – their clothes are beautiful and the company is doing such
great work in India. http://www.eternalcreation.com/
I was only planning to stay for
about an hour, but two and a half hours later I finally had to tear myself
away. I offered to take Ruby with me, but Josh and Dale said no…hmmm…perhaps I
should have just snuck her away? Just kidding…kind of…
As I was leaving I told Josh how proud
I am of him. I really am so proud of Josh – he is a great Dad and no doubt will
continue to be so.
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| Ruby and me |
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| The romper suit for Ruby |
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| My little cousin, Josh, and me. |
***
I wanted to briefly mention the next blog
entry I have planned. I will be writing it over the weekend or early next week.
It will be about something that happened this week that I am not proud of. I
have thought long and hard about writing about it, but this blog is meant to be
about all the experiences and emotions I have now I can’t have children. That
must include those experiences that are difficult to talk about because they have
made me ashamed, because other people who can’t have children may well have similar
experiences and I want them to know they are not alone.
Not having children brings about such a
range of emotions and the darker ones can’t be ignored, especially by me in
this blog as I want to be honest and I want to share things that might help
other people to realize that the darker emotions are normal.
One of my favorite writers, Thomas Moore,
says in his book “Care of the Soul”:
“The soul presents itself in a variety of
colours, including all shades of gray, blue, and black. To care for the soul,
we must observe the full range of all its colourings, and resist the temptation
to approve only of white, red, and orange – the brilliant colors.” Moore,
Thomas (1994) Care of the Soul, HarperCollins, New York
So, next time my entry will be a little bit darker.
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