We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

What Mali said...

One of my regular readers, Mali, made a comment on my last blog entry about losing friends.

Here it is in its entirety:

“You're right - there's no real reason for this. But I had one friend - the last person I would have thought I would have lost - who withdrew from me when her children started school. A few years later I was invited to a dinner, and there were all these new friends I'd never met - all parents of her kids' friends. None of the friends she'd had five or ten years earlier.

I'm lucky though - the friends I have who have children have mostly not changed. And you'll find that once their kids are older, they start to come back too. Case in point - I'm going to my aforementioned friend's new house for dinner this week.”

It’s the last two sentences of the comment that had me really thinking.

I hope that the friends that have disappeared from my life after they’ve had kids do come back to me one day.

And I do believe I’ll be there to welcome them with open arms, a smile, and, of course, a coffee!

Thank you, Mali, for your comment, your continued support, and for how you have a way of making me reflect more deeply than I otherwise might about the issues we face when we can’t have kids.


Mali said...

Wow! I'm so glad that what I said helped.

I think being 12 years on means that I've been through the upsetting bits, and can often see them come full circle.

I have a friend whose kids are grown, and who has tried to say that she feels her situation is the same as mine in many ways. I've been thinking about it for a long time (a couple of years!!), because I want to give credit to what she's saying, as well as put it in perspective. Maybe I'll write that post now!

Kate Bettison said...

You certainly did help - Your blog is No Kidding New Zealand isn't it?

Mali said...

Yes, that's the one. ;-)

I meant to comment on this post that I love this sentence: "And I do believe I’ll be there to welcome them with open arms, a smile, and, of course, a coffee!"

Kate Bettison said...

I kind of like that line too...:-) I'm going to go and have a read of your blog today - I admit I've been a bit slack in my reading lately!