We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

They have your eyes...

This week (give or take) the baby from our final round of IVF would have turned six years old. They most likely would have loved riding bikes with their cousin, played every day with our dogs, and perhaps been interested in music like me, computers like their Dad, or both. Today they would have been waiting in excitement to see their older cousins this afternoon, who arrived from Sydney yesterday for Dad’s 70th birthday, and they would have been a handful and an angel at the same time.

I’ve long wondered what our children might have looked like. So, yesterday I used one of those programs online to “morph” Kirby and my faces to find out what our babies might have looked like.

Here they are:

Jacob Arthur
Ruby Grace

I think they are adorable of course!

I know that these programs are not entirely accurate, but it’s kind of bitter-sweet to have a picture of what our children might have looked like. The only photos we ever got of them were these:

So, call me silly for using the program, but I like having those pictures to look at and wonder about.


Katie said...

Kate--your children are adorable! It is very bitter sweet to see what might have been. Sometimes it's easier not seeing. But when I saw our morphed image children -- it gave me hope for having children....in the next life.

Kate Bettison said...

Your comment made me teary Katie - I love that you said that my children are adorable - you see them as real and that means so much to me.

And - we will see our children in the next life - I truly believe that.

You are a sweetheart x

Mali said...

The photos are beautiful. I'm not sure I could do that. But I do know that our children are real in our hearts.

BentNotBroken said...

Absolutely adorable! A couple of years ago we did the morph thing too. It gave us a glimmer of hope of what could be during a really difficult patch. I still have that picture saved somewhere but I haven't looked at it in a couple of years.

Kate Bettison said...

Definitely real in our hearts Mali x

I'm thinking of printing out the photos and having them in my wallet...but I'm not sure yet...BentNotBroken xx