We always thought we would have kids. We started trying when we believed we were ready. A month went by, then two months, six months, a year. Nothing happened.

Something was wrong, but nobody could tell us what - and they still can't to this day. We tried IVF three times but our results were not good. We were devastated.

Eighteen months after our last IVF cycle, we knew we would not be having our own children. And, somehow, we have moved to a life that is much different to the one we thought we'd have.

This blog is about what we do now we know we won't be having children - the thoughts, dreams, realities, sorrows, and joys that have become our new life path.

I hope you will enjoy what I will be sharing, and I hope that if you are at the point where life without children is a reality for you, that you might find some hope and inspiration here.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

We are family...

Last night I was remembering the trip that Kirby and I took to the United States in June and July of 2009. It was fantastic – Connecticut and New York are amazing places. So different from each other and each with its own character.

It was a very long trip from Adelaide, Australia to New York. It was about seventeen hours in planes all up with a stopover of a couple of hours in Sydney and about a six hour stopover in LA. Needless to say we were extremely tired by the time we boarded the American Airlines plane to New York.

We collected our boarding passes in LA and I noticed that Kirby and I were not seated together for the next leg of our journey to New York. We went to the American Airlines counter and questioned this and we were told to talk to the steward as we boarded the plane.

So we did. And the response we got?

“We seat families together first.”


My response?

“We are a family too.”

It was clear that the steward wasn’t prepared to help us, and I was almost in tears. Fortunately a lovely woman swapped seats with me so that Kirby and I could sit together.

Before our IVF round in December, 2008, we had decided that if that round didn’t work we would take a holiday to the United States and then talk about IVF further when we got home. The wound of another IVF cycle which didn’t bring us our baby was still raw when we went to America – and being told we weren’t considered a family was like knitting needle being plunged into my heart.

It really hurt – and I was really angry and defensive. And I questioned whether Kirby and I were really a family if we didn’t have children.

Years have passed and I no longer have the same doubts. We are a family. There is no doubt in my mind about that now. But, it still hurts sometimes to think that other people might consider us as less of a family than those families which include children. That is their problem though.

I often take a moment to look at Kirby, and at our Felix, Frankie, Odi, and Ari, and I feel quite content with our little family.

You know the funny thing? We were seated separately on the way from New York back to LA as well. And, yet again, a kind person offered to swap with me.

Some airlines may not understand that Kirby and I are a family – but it seems there are people out there who do.


Mali said...

I love love love your last sentence! I can understand how it hurt, particularly at that time. Ouch!

In my experience, US airlines are ... let's just say, they're not the most friendly. My husband and I have often asked to be seated together (on other airlines), and even when travelling free on airpoints/frequent flyer tickets, they have always made the effort to get us seated together (or across the aisle at the worst).

Amel said...


Even though I'm at your stage now (two is a family), I couldn't help feeling stabbed when the steward gave that answer. Blimey!

BentNotBroken said...

You are definitely a family! I'm pretty sure that airplanes bring out the worst in humanity.....

Mali said...

I really thought I had replied to this. Once again, I'll blame my iPad. It eats comments! lol

I have to say, I've had some of my worst travel experiences on US airlines, so this doesn't really surprise me. Mostly, I find other airlines have tried where possible to seat us together - even when we were travelling "free" with frequent flyer tickets.

Kate Bettison said...

I'm a slacker! Sorry for not publishing your comments earlier - Mali, your iPad is not to blame...

All of what you have all shared is true - we are family. And airlines and flying can definitely be interesting! Fortunately, other than those two trips, I've had fantastic experiences on planes...

Thanks everyone! x